Daring Greatly

We all long to be understood. We all want someone to be on our side and say “I am for you”. In just over 2 weeks time around 1000 youth leaders will be gathering in Birmingham for the National Youth Ministry Weekend. I don’t want to speak for all of them but I would guess many of them feel a little isolated and possible not able to say confidently that someone is unconditionally on their side. Whether these phenomenal youth leaders are paid or not, full time, part time or most of the time, they all need to know they are not alone. We speak about the youth ministry ‘tribe’ and I believe ‘the tribe’ is strong, loyal and active. But what each of us also need are allies and people who are for us as we serve, where we serve. Finding these people, even in our own churches can be a battle so we need to help people understand not only the needs of young people, but also our needs as those who serve them.

Too often I am meeting and listening to youth leaders who are weary and wounded from words and comments from within the places where they serve. People commenting on their ministry who have absolutely no idea what it is like being a youth leader. Us youth leaders are not arrogant and unwilling to learn but we want a certain amount of empathy so that we feel heard, and understood and that we not alone in this calling.

I think what all of us need is to feel like we have been heard, that those we are doing life with, whether in church or in an organisation, have really heard us. We don’t want people just to hear us sharing what is going on in ministry and how we are feeling, we want people to intentionally listen. I was reading a psychologist sharing about the difference between hearing and listening, this is what they said; hearing is the passive intake of sound while listening is the act of intentionally working to comprehend the sounds. Hearing is lazy, it is almost involuntary, it involves us picking up the sounds around us whether that is a dog barking, a police siren or indeed someone talking. But listening is intentional, voluntary and involves trying to make sense of what we hear. As we listen intentionally we may develop an emotional response, we may experience deep empathy, we may understand more of what the individual is experiencing and the impact it is having on them. As people listen to us they will be able help us make sense of the story we are in, they can ask questions that affirm us and let us know we have been fully heard. They can enable us to move through and forward aware that we are not alone.I want the church to do more listening and less hearing.

This quote by Theodore Roosevelt at a University in Paris is over 110 years old. It was spoken to a bunch of academics, politicians and navy officers. I have read it numerous times this week and feel this section – ‘the man in the arena’ would not be out of place if spoken to 1000 youth leaders. Also I think many of us would feel like the arena is a lonely place and the battle is taking its toll.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends themselves in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if they fail, at least fails while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” T Roosevelt.

I choose to be in the arena, I shall strive and spend myself, I welcome being ‘marred by dust and sweat and blood’ with the battles and adventures, each day choosing to dare greatly. Please, please do not look down from above and, with empty, thoughtless words, saying I could’ve done better or in a different way or for longer. Instead, know that I value wisdom and insight, know that I want to hear your thoughts, know that I cannot do this alone. Choose to know me and my heart, join me in the arena for a while, listen to me, hear my stories, journey with me for a time. Allow yourself to be immersed in the calling I have, then as allies and tribe, let us dare greatly together!