8 minutes
Did you know it takes roughly 8 minutes for light to come from the sun and reach us here on earth. In 8 minutes you could also watch a third of an episode of Friends or The Big Bang Theory, or if you felt so inclined, a whole episode of Bluey! In 8 minutes you could also boil a couple of eggs, walk half a mile or barista three exquisite coffees. Your heart will beat between 500 – 1000 times and you will take between 105 and 175 breathes. 8 minutes doesn’t feel a lot, but actually I want to share with you just how much can happen in just 8 minutes.
During a training day last week someone spoke about that by sitting with someone and listening for just 8 minutes, it can make a huge difference to how that individuals feels. I was intrigued where this information came from so I did a bit of digging online. The phenomenal speaker and coach Simon Sinek, who I listen to a lot, also spoke quite passionately about these 8 minutes in a recent video.
Simon talks about ‘holding space’ with a friend for just 8 minutes can have a huge impact and make them feel better. He spoke about how we now have a code word for when one of us is struggling – “do you have 8 minutes?” I love the image that the phrase ‘holding space’ conjures up, the picture of two people putting everything else on pause to be fully present in this moment, to be completely aware of one another in these precious minutes.
I would argue that all of us have a spare 8 minutes in our day, even if it means forgoing watching that extra episode of Bluey!! But if we really thought about it, we could find more than 8 minutes, if it meant making a significant difference to a friends wellbeing, surely we would choose to give away that time.
Imagine sitting with a friend in need, no phone, no agenda, no challenge, just being, just listening. Allowing this friend, who may be struggling, to be seen and heard. This would place a significant value on them, their story and their situation.
Imagine a friend chooses to give YOU that unhurried, uninterrupted time, how would you feel? They want to know how you are and they are inviting you to give them more than the usual ‘I’m fine’! In our frantic, chaotic, demanding world these donated minutes are as precious as the rarest jewel.
In my role as a youth leader there are often times where I notice people, something about them says they are wanting to be listened to. It is here I need to respond accordingly, to sense whether it is right to offer the time to listen. Some people won’t be ready, but will absolutely appreciate the offer. Some people will need a little persuading, moving to a different appropriate space or scheduling another time. But we must be willing, willing to put aside our own schedule to allow the power of the 8 minutes to happen. On average you can say around 1200 words in 8 minutes, 1200 words that someone can use to say they are struggling, lonely, curious, searching, frustrated, grieving, upset or just needing to be heard.
Our job is to listen, to let them know this time, these 8 minutes, are about them sharing their story and where they are on their journey. I doubt they want answers so you do not need to feel qualified. They do not want to hear how you have experienced their emotions, so don’t say those words “I know how you feel”!
Job 2:12-13 – “When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognise him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No-one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”
The story of Job fascinates me, I love it and it is probably my favourite book in the bible. At the beginning of the story we meet Job on his very worst day ever, and we witness his friends behaving in the most humbling and affirming way possible. Later on in the story they try to fix Job, blame Job or suggest answers to Jobs questions. But here, at the beginning, their ‘8 minutes’ goes on for a week. I have no doubt, as these friends sat in the dust, Job might not have felt better but I believe he did not feel alone.
Simon Sineks fellow coach, Christina Tosi, also impacted me with her words, she said this – “there is no greater honour than being the friend that is asked for 8 minutes.”
Here’s some simple wisdom from me for your ‘8 minutes’:
Leave your phone out of sight and resist the urge to check it for the whole time you are with someone, and even beyond your time with them. I think is says something unhelpful if as soon as we finish a conversation we make a grab for our phone like we need some sort of drug fix!
Find a location where your friend can be heard and there are minimal distractions.
Allow your time to have a fluid ending, don’t rush off to another appointment. Offer some more time of appropriate.
Make eye contact, smile when appropriate, and don’t worry about periods of silence – in this silence thoughts are formed and courage is built.
Be willing.
This week I am going to make time, I might start with 8 minutes but I shall aim for more. I am going to be fully present in my conversations, allowing all ‘my stuff’ to be temporarily set aside. If just 8 minutes can make a difference, what life and healing might there be with longer, regular time given to someone?